Hey. 

Let’s take a moment to talk about motivation and burnout. Or should I say let’s get motivated to talk about motivation and burnout? 

Thanks to Covid, I’m sure you’ve heard the news talk about these two opposing friends, in one way or another. But did you think about your motivation or lack thereof before this pandemic or have you been more aware of it recently? 

Well, I have. 

The thing about motivation is ⎼ it’s fleeting. There are some days where you feel like you’re killin’ it, doing all the things: The house is clean, the kids aren’t killing each other, you may even know what you’re having for dinner that night. 

Then there’s the opposite: A kid may be sick, there’s more traffic on your commute, and your to-do list feels 10 miles long. 

Have you ever experienced any of these scenarios? (you can be honest, I won’t tell!) But I will share that I’ve BEEN THERE. 

Most recently I had a day where I knew exactly what I was doing almost every hour of the day which is very rare for me. It felt nice knowing what was needed from me in each moment. Did I need to be on my A game when picking up my daughter from school so I can hear the same story I’ve heard before on the car ride home? 

Perhaps, I needed to be a solid object when working with my clients while still showing empathy and providing them strategies to help them reach their goals. No matter what I do, each scenario requires a different version of me. 

Or maybe it wasn’t necessarily a good or bad day and you didn’t feel content nor upset but just “blah”. Almost hard to describe because nothing was wrong per se and things weren’t exactly right either. 

I call this moment the “in between”. 

You’re not feeling like you’re ready to take on the world and you’re also not completely down in the dumps wondering what the hell happened to you while you were asleep (if you even got any). Maybe your energy is lower and your brain feels like a scrolling to-do list or both. 

I am the type of person that in order for me to change a behavior I need to know why I do something….I’m not sure where it came from but because of this it causes me to randomly research topics, such as burnout. The APA (American Psychological Association) defines burnout as “physical, emotional, or mental exhaustion accompanied by decreased motivation, lowered performance, and negative attitudes toward oneself and others. It results from performing at a high level until stress and tension, especially from extreme and prolonged physical or mental exertion or an overburdening workload, take their toll.”  

When there is an imbalance in your day-to-day demands and you consistently have more demands that outweigh your resources, this is what can lead to burnout ⎼ both personally and professionally. According to Forbes, workplace burnout and parental burnout share these 3 things in common:

1. Exhaustion: Feeling chronically physically and emotionally drained. Eventually, chronic exhaustion leads people to disconnect or distance themselves emotionally and cognitively from their work, or in the case of parental burnout, their kids, and families, likely as a way to cope with the overload.
2. Cynicism: People just bug you and rub you the wrong way, and you start to distance yourself from these people by actively ignoring the qualities that make them unique and engaging, and the result is less empathy and caring.
3. Inefficacy: Inefficacy is the “why bother, who cares” mentality that appears as you struggle to identify important resources and as it becomes more difficult to feel a sense of accomplishment and impact in your work or parenting.

Anything sound familiar? If you shook your head or winced a bit, it’s possible you’re burnt out. 

But that’s OK! We’ve all been there. I’ve been there. You’re not alone. Take what you need and leave the rest. 

But I agree with Forbes’ tips for burnout: 

1. Connect with people regularly. You are probably not going to want to do this but the very act of reaching out will leverage the one resource you have ⎼ community and connection. This could be friends, family, mentor, life coaches, etc. Choose someone who makes you feel comfortable and safe.
2. Give yourself a break. I know, I know. Easier said than done. But small things can make a big difference. I know I am not the first person to tell you this but 5-15 minutes can make a HUGE shift mentally for you. Bonus points if it’s outside in nature. 
3. Use some coping skills right NOW. For example, 4-7-8 breathing technique. Breathe in for 4, hold for 7 and out for 8. It’s annoying at first but works wonders to calm your central nervous system, which is what needs to happen when you’re in a heightened emotional state. Double bonus points if you can do this outside as well.

Read more from Forbes here: https://www.forbes.com/sites/pauladavislaack/2020/09/10/how-to-ease-parental-stress–burnout-during-the-pandemic/?sh=ca08a9a2bda4

Now you know I’m not going to leave you hanging… let’s talk about motivation for a hot minute. According to the APA, motivation is described as “the impetus that gives purpose or direction to behavior and operates in humans at a conscious or unconscious level (see unconscious motivation). Motives are frequently divided into (a) physiological, primary, or organic motives, such as hunger, thirst, and need for sleep; and (b) personal, social, or secondary motives, such as affiliation, competition, and individual interests and goals. An important distinction must also be drawn between internal motivating forces and external factors, such as rewards or punishments, that can encourage or discourage certain behaviors.”  

Have you ever felt extremely motivated with certain tasks and not so much with others? I’ve been there too. Depending on the task I am either intrinsically motivated to succeed or extrinsically motivated to succeed.

 An example of being extrinsically motivated is a kid completing their chores in order to get payment. 

When someone is intrinsically motivated, they have a genuine interest in completing the task at hand.

 An example of this would be going to a college class with the end result being completing a degree. 

Now I want you to take a moment and think about your motivations and why you do what you do? 

Do you put 150% energy into certain things and do the bare minimum with other responsibilities? Why or why not? 

Let me know your thoughts by hitting reply to this email.

If you’re a reader like me. The name of the article is below. 

Davis, Paula. “How to Ease Parental Stress & Burnout During the Pandemic.” 

Parent tip: Learn to say no. Turn down invitations, requests and prioritize children’s extracurricular activities. Yes, they need to get their energy out and you need a minute. You also don’t want to overbook and overcommit yourself. There are a lot of factors to remember, travel time, finances, the impact of the activity on household routine for example. This pushes dinner back 30 minutes or 1 hour. Will this require a bit of pre planning or are you okay with grabbing fast food on the way home. Be realistic with yourself and take into account your child’s temperament and preferences and time of when the activity will end. Remember a huge part of parenting stress is the day to day responsibilities so keep this in mind when you are thinking about enrolling your kid or yourself in yet another responsibility. 

If you like thoughts and strategies like this, I invite you to join my email list. That’s where the real fun begins. You can join my email list by clicking here. I hope to see you there. 

References

Home. (2011, May 5). YouTube. Retrieved October 1, 2022, from https://www.forbes.com/sites/pauladavislaack/2020/09/10/how-to-ease-parental-stress–burnout-during-the-pandemic/?sh=ca08a9a2bda4

Psychology. (n.d.). APA Dictionary of Psychology. Retrieved October 1, 2022, from https://dictionary.apa.org/burnout

Psychology. (n.d.). APA Dictionary of Psychology. Retrieved October 1, 2022, from https://dictionary.apa.org/motivation