Have you been wondering how to connect with your child? I can honestly say that I’ve been thinking about this quite a lot lately. How can I connect with my child in a way that allows them to be who they are, be present and productive parents while still having energy for my business and other tasks that need to get done?  During stressful moments, I remember how I was raised as a child, and the conclusion that I came to is that I need to go back to the basics. Sometimes, simplicity is the answer that we’re looking for. 

I’ve talked about this before; being a parent is the most challenging and most fulfilling job I’ll ever have. I know this. I love being a parent. I love being a partner, businesswoman, niece, granddaughter, and sister. I’m not just one thing, and I bet you aren’t either. I know that putting all of my energy into one identity isn’t wise, and that is why I have changed the way I parent. It’s why I practice regular self-care, get more down and dirty, and have committed to sharing my feelings with my daughter.

1. Be A Child Yourself

As adults, specifically women, we constantly think of others (and, I mean frequently). We manage schedules, pick-ups, drop-offs, dinners, entertainment, finances, household chores, etc. So what if we were to flip the script and pretend to be the child? Go with me on this one (and try to keep the urge to have a temper tantrum or crave fast food to a minimum.)

Think about how your child behaves, such as their mannerisms, what they like to do and what you’d wish they do. Think about situations where they acted poorly, and worked well. You want to think of the good, the bad, and the ugly and the play-by-play of each scenario. I want to encourage you to think beyond physically acting like a child and put yourself in their shoes.

In my own experiences with doing this, I’ve been able to see things from a different perspective and therefore respond more appropriately. An example of this is I was trying to finish up a work task on the computer, and my daughter kept saying, “mom, mom, I need to show you something.” It was one of those moments where as a parent, you say, “okay, 5 minutes,” and we really need 20. I paused for a moment and heard a subtle sigh of what I assumed was her frustration, and then there was a moment of silence. 

I looked out of the corner of my eye and noticed a slight glimmer of disappointment across my daughter’s face. We all know that look when your child is looking at you with that facial expression, and you suddenly wish you could turn back time. It was during this moment that I realized I had two choices.

 I could continue typing and essentially show my daughter that what she needed to tell me was less important than what I needed to do on the computer, or 

2) I could STOP typing and give her the attention she deserves. I went with the latter, and I hope that this would communicate to her that she matters because she does, and so do you. To be honest, I don’t always do this, and I bet you don’t either; however, I think it is so essential for us to try. It is the act of trying that our children seek, not the Perfection that we think they want. When we are present with our children, we communicate that their needs matter and they are loved and essential. Of course, this is easier said than done, but I want to remind you of the goal. Progress, not Perfection. Connection, not Chaos. 

Too often, we are either in mom mode, work mode, or partner mode. If you stop to bring out your inner child, even for 5 minutes, you’ll better resolve the situation you want to handle, you’ll connect on an individual level with your child, and you may even have a little bit of fun. While these moments for us are a blip in a day, for your child, they’re EVERYTHING!

2. Dance Parties

Break out the radio, boombox, Bluetooth speaker, and your favorite playlist. Move around the furniture. Put on some comfy socks and let loose! I am a HUGE fan of dance parties. They are fun, get you moving, and are a great excuse to be silly with your mini-me. Dance parties are also 100% random and can include any song that makes your child smile and wiggle it out! What better way to show off those old-school moves than to challenge your youngster to a dance battle? In my household right now, “Lose Control” by Missy Elliot is what’s up! But if you’re still subject to the “Baby Shark” phase, I feel for you and hope this allows you to introduce your youngster to some new jams.

Happy Dancing!

3. Share Your Feelings

Stating your feelings to your child will go a long way in helping them become better communicators and encourage them to feel safe enough to verbalize their feelings. It may sound silly if you aren’t used to doing it, but it’s a piece of cake once you get the hang of it.

For example, an expression I use often is “I am frustrated because________and I think I will take a break.” It is essential to be specific- name the emotion, the reason, and how you will deal with it. Giving the feeling a name will help you think about what you’re feeling and, at the same time, teach your child the many emotions outside the characters from Inside Out. You will also teach your child a healthy and appropriate manner to deal with their feelings after hearing you announce how you will deal with yours.

Be kind to yourself. The key to this is to try your best. Don’t feel obligated to do his with every emotion, at every turn in your day. The focus of this idea is to try, and all we can do is try our best, especially with something new.

4. Sit and Watch

Literally, sit down.

Put your phone on silent and put it away. Turn the TV off if possible. Leave the dirty dishes for later. The laundry can wait a few extra moments too. Just watch your child or children play or do something that brings them joy. Children want and need to feel seen. They know you love them, but they also want reassurance that you like them. Your child may hear you complain about family or coworkers and wonder if you ever feel the same way about them between your words and body language. We must remember that children are constantly watching us. Typically, more is caught (seen) than taught.

Take time every day to give them your undivided attention. Let this behavior communicate to them that there isn’t anything else more important to you than them. Remind them that even though you may HAVE to be with them all day, you want to be with them, including in that moment where your attention is solely focused on them.

5. Go Outside

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve underestimated the power of fresh air and a good walk or random park trip. Its many benefits of the ever-changing scenery include improved mood and a spike in energy. If you’re like me, you sometimes don’t want to go out because you have a running list of all the things you need to get done. These are the times that I remember. I rarely regret a walk with my child, and I doubt you will too.

My recommendations for a successful walk with your youngster are to “forget” your phone and just talk to them while enjoying the outdoors. There are quick, free, and fun games you can play outside, such as scavenger hunts for outdoor items (leaves, pinecones, sticks). You can play I, Spy. You can make up songs, and the more ridiculous, the better. (This is my personal favorite). If you have a time limit, say before dark or dinner, set a timer to remind you when to turn back and head home. In my experience, I’ve had conversations with my child on walks that I don’t know I would have had otherwise. Try these out, and let me know the result! Sign up for my email list if you’d like more information just like this. 

-Sharlis