Hey friend. 

Motherhood. Let’s talk about it. 

I consider motherhood to be one of the hardest and fulfilling jobs I’ll ever have.

I struggled emotionally and physically during my first years as a new mom.

While I always knew I wanted to be a mother, I became a mother waaaay before I felt “ready.” Let me explain: I always thought I would become a mom when I got my graduate degree, got married, and bought a house ⎼ in that order. Instead, I got a Bachelor’s degree, a new car, and a newborn. 

I had my daughter when I was 25, the same age I got a brand new car. The first car where I was responsible for its insurance, its complete care. But rather than focus on that ownership experience, I quickly realized the new adventure I was about to endure – motherhood. I went from feeling like Brian O’Conner in Fast and the Furious to Sophia Petrillo in Golden Girls. I had no idea I was pregnant, and because I missed my first trimester, I felt I had less time to prepare.

When I think back to that younger version of me, I just want to hug her so tightly and tell her that she is more than enough for her baby girl. I expected motherhood to feel great most of the time while also looking great and somehow still having a life. I remember thinking that I wanted to be like my grandmother and mother. I can remember them doing everything and still somehow keeping it together. 

Over the years, I’ve been able to embrace the silly, fun-loving mom that I am regardless of how I look on the outside. Don’t get me wrong, I love looking cute just as much as the next woman, but it is no longer a priority for me. The reality of motherhood is it’s messy, especially during those early stages, and that’s okay. Life is chaotic, and so is motherhood. I’ve come to appreciate each stage of motherhood for what it has to offer. 

To this day, I catch myself thinking when my daughter turns 8, we’ll be able to get in and out of the car more quickly or run errands, and it won’t take us what feels like hours in one store. Have you ever thought like that before? You find yourself thinking and planning for the next stage ahead. I love a good plan, but the moments I find myself the most connected are the moments where I’m completely and 100% present—looking into my daughter’s beautiful brown eyes and seeing myself within them. 

So the next time you find yourself drifting off, I encourage you to stare into your child’s eyes and enjoy the present moment. These moments are going by quickly. To be more present, I have become more mindful, and I find that during these moments of mindfulness, I am parenting my daughter how the best version of me would. 

One of the common challenges I see and hear while working with clients is that they feel their children are getting too much screen time. There is a phrase that I remind myself of often when it comes to parenting, and that phrase is “More is caught than taught.” meaning that children model their behavior based on their own more so than us telling them something. If screen time is an issue in your household, identify when you feel you need to use it and for how long that way, you can set parental settings up before handing the device over to your child. If they are of an age where they’re talking, let them know that they have X amount of minutes to be on the iPad, watch tv, etc. There will be meltdowns when that time is up. If you can anticipate this and have something else as a secondary activity, task, or something happening next, they will be distracted. Will they be pissed or irritated? Probably. I know my daughter was and still is at times. The key to remember here is consistency, and if you get into the habit of doing this, they will eventually get it. 

Real Talk: This does not apply if you’re a parent of a two-year, heck three-year-old. Those stages are about survival, and I’m just keepin’ real. 

Remember: Be kind to yourself. You are doing so much day in and day out. Ask yourself if the vacuuming doesn’t get done that day, are you going to remember that five years from now? Will you remember that you didn’t vacuum that one Thursday evening or Saturday afternoon? My suggestion: Outsource if you can. Hire a cleaner or service. It will cost you money, but it will save you time, and as a parent, time is EVERYTHING. Invest in those meal planning services such as Hello Fresh, Daily Harvest, or Sakara. Swap babysitting days with a friend, family member, or neighbor. 

The most common rebuttal I hear to the suggestion to hire a cleaning service is “I can’t afford it.” Trust me when I tell you, if you’re doing that chore yourself, then you’re already paying for that task, just not in monetary form. The stress we feel as parents are often due to everyday responsibilities. I created a free tool just for this reason. I invite you to check out my 8 Tips for Everyday Stress. Let me know which tip was helpful for you. You’re killin’ it.

Affirmation: 

I am enough 

Xo, 

Sharlis Awray